Yūya Sakaki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hippocarnival) wrote2019-01-08 08:52 am
hippocarnival) wrote2019-01-08 08:52 am
Daybreak Academy | Inbox
YUYA SAKAKI
UN: FUNDIRECTION
STATUS: Student Grade 9
ACCOLADES: (Here is a list of leading roles Yuya's has in school theater performances over the past two years, plus a glowing review of his familiar Odd-Eyes)
BIO: Hello! You can call me Yuya. I'm from Sendai, Japan. This is my second year in Daybreak Academy. I'm a Tamer, and Odd-Eyes is my familiar. He's the big red dragon that hangs out in the courtyards. He's friendly but he tries to steal food sometimes. I speak Japanese and English but not very good French. I'm also in the theater club. I'm in Lumiere 203. Let's be friends!
no subject
no subject
Also he's pretty sure Yuuya would fail to forget (which is his own fault), and it would Consume him.]
...It was a moment in the locker room, [he admits, sighing.] It was nothing 'bad' however, [He quickly insists.] Merely a short conversation after training..!
[And hopefully that won't lead Yuuya to Any Terrible Conclusions at all.]
no subject
Then why is your face red?
no subject
...You were admittedly thinking of my muscles, in the memory... [That is as much as he is saying and he really hopes he doesn't spook poor Yuuya off.]
no subject
Yuya leans back, a startled expression frozen on his face and his cheeks turning pink from embarrassment.] Ah. I, was--I just--
no subject
Y-Yuuya! You do not need to justify yourself, believe me! I, the man Gongenzaka...
[....
...Actually if he thinks about it this is...probably the best time to talk about this, isn't it.
He smiles, but it's a little bit forced, admittedly.] ...I...
...I think there is something that I, the man Gongenzaka, need to talk to you about, Yuuya. ...Something that is only my fault, [He adds with a small nod.]
no subject
no subject
[...........He takes a deep breath, and remembers what advice he was given. Be honest. Say it clearly.
He'll understand.
Ok.]
...Before I, the man Gongenzaka, asked you to go on a 'date'... ...I realized something about how I was feeling, and how I had felt, for a long time I believe, [He begins.] ...but...
...I acted without thinking about how to tell you that...And rather than enjoying time with you as I, the man Gongenzaka, had hoped, it felt that in my action I made things difficult. And confusing, for both of us.
...I, the man Gongenzaka... I, the man Gongenzaka, was not fair to you, Yuuya! [he continues, bowing his head.] I acted recklessly, when I should have simply said that all that changed was what I, the man Gongenzaka, knew..! I, the man Gongenzaka...
[He is red in the face, and practically bursting apart from the inside, but he is going to SAY this, he's dedicated himself to it now.] I, the man Gongenzaka, love you! More than anything, truly! And...I believe that I have, for a long time, [he adds, his eyes watering already.]
...But I do not know how to show it, beyond what I have already done for that time...beyond doing what feels right, [he adds.] Yuuya... ...You knew, at least...a little it feels, what you wanted. But I, the man Gongenzaka...
I do not know how to put these feelings to words, or even actions, [he admits as tears begin to fall.] And to make you wait until then, would be unforgivable of me! More so, when I have already made you wait! [He adds- and maybe that's a guess. Maybe it's not quite right. But...]
So... ...I, the man Gongenzaka, am going to dedicate myself to understanding this- and to making certain that I, the man Gongenzaka, do not bring it forward so boldly until I do so..! [he declares.] Because what matters to me the most, out of everything, is your happiness!
[... .....
He is as red as Yuuya's hair, and he really hopes he didn't just screw everything up.]
no subject
What.] What?
[His face is even redder, but he just looks... confused?]
You--love me, like you're in love with me? [He points at himself.] What do you mean wait? Bringing what forward, like--like really dating?
[This was going one direction, he thought, and now it's swerved completely elsewhere and he cannot tell if Gon is asking to be his boyfriend or telling him he won't.]
no subject
...well...I, the man Gongenzaka, had asked for some advice from another on what to do...but when we went to the dance together, even though I, the man Gongenzaka, tried to make it 'more' than before, it did not seem...to work, [he mutters with a frown. He's rambling a fair bit, and Yuuya is going to no doubt be even More confused.] ...and when you asked about kissing, I, the man Gongenzaka, realized I had not properly given anything thought...
[He crosses his arms.] Perhaps...I could try it, one day...but I do not know, [he says more quietly.] I do not know if I would want to kiss, and that I, the man Gongenzaka, was so surprised by it...
That must surely mean that I did not prepare properly! [Gongenzaka insists.] And...
...All of what I had done, before I, the man Gongenzaka knew that what I was feeling was that...
...there could be things that I, the man Gongenzaka, wish to do more, but those things were what truly made me love you, I think... ...To simply spend time with you, and be with you, and...
...to be able to be as close, as after I, the man Gongenzaka had asked...
...I had truly missed it...simply holding you like that. [he trails off, looking to the ground.] I...
[He shakes his head.] The point is not this..! The point is...
...It is not fair to you, if I, the man Gongenzaka, ask to go out with you...without even knowing what to do, and how to show it more than I already have...more than I, the man Gongenzaka did, when neither you, nor myself, even knew those were my feelings to begin with! The things we have done together... ...even if my heart is at its fullest then, we did not call them 'dates' after all.
But I, the man Gongenzaka, do not know what else to do.
no subject
You want me to wait? But you don't want to make me wait? We're not going to stop being friends. Everything we did before, I'm not going to stop that? I don't understand.
[He can't even feel wistful or heartbroken he's just really confused what Gongenzaka is asking for or admitting here.]
no subject
[no wait he can't say 'third time is the charm' here. Gongenzaka opens his mouth, tries to speak, and then frowns and scrunches his face in a few very odd ways while trying to think himself through.
Eventually he gives up and sits on the floor.] Above anything, I, the man Gongenzaka, do not wish to ever stop being friends... [He at least admits.]
...I...
...I, the man Gongenzaka shamefully admit...I do not think I know what I am asking either...
...I just know that even before we both came here... ...I knew I did not want to be away from you, I feel...
[He looks quite disappointed about the fact that he can't give his friend a straight answer.] I, the man Gongenzaka, love you but...
...I do not want to say 'let us go for a date', only to have it be the way our Prom was. I, the man Gongenzaka, would rather enjoy a thousand dances with you without them being 'dates', if it meant you enjoyed them..!
no subject
Gongenzaka. [He lifts his head with a tight smile.] We don't need to be more than friends, right?
[It's not worth all this, is it? This back and forth and anxiety.]
no subject
[He looks very much like a kicked puppy, and the only thing that could bring him closer is if he was an actual bear in this moment.] ...I, the man Gongenzaka...
...I think...I would want to, but...
[.................Well, all of his rambles earlier answer that issue.]
....is...
...Is it still alright, to be able to hug you again? [he manages quietly, hands fidgeting with themselves in motions he very rarely ever makes. He's supposed to be still. Sturdy. Stable.
This is far from that.]
no subject
[Why is he asking for permission to hug.] Are you sure it's like that? That you don't just want friendship? We don't have to stop anything we were already doing.
[He thinks. He's mostly sure? Gongenzaka said something about his feelings coloring his actions so Yuya's not sure if that means he's always been treating this like being boyfriends, he's sure they never discussed that.]
no subject
...but as well, since I, the man Gongenzaka, did not realize that was why...neither did you, of course, so the things I was doing...we already did as friends...
[bugger]
...And simply forcing 'more' when I, the man Gongenzaka, do not even know what we would enjoy 'more'... [He's...trailing off again...]
no subject
So--if we're not dating you're going to do less? I was only doing anything as a friend! No matter how I felt, I treated you the same as Nana! Or Kano! I didn't--it never felt like dating?
no subject
No!! [He flusters immediately.] I, the man Gongenzaka, would never force myself to do less..! I...
...
...I do not want to force something to make it...'feel' like dating. I, the man Gongenzaka do not even have the words for what would 'feel' like dating, so...
...That...is what I meant, by it being unfair, [he sighs.] I, the man Gongenzaka...would happily do all of this and more as your friend if it meant you were happy- and more importantly, not mislead by my own lack of understanding..! [And there he goes making it confusing again,]
no subject
[He just wants an answer. He wants some clarity now that this has been all thrown open.]
no subject
I thought it was friend, but it was boyfriend..! [he finally spits out, holding his head in his own frustration.] The things I, the man Gongenzaka have done, and tried, I would not do them for my other friends..!
...So it is boyfriend, but how is that fair when I, the man Gongenzaka, could not realize that myself until now? When I, the man Gongenzaka, could not realize until talking to others about what it meant..!?
[WHY DID HE EVER TALK TO NANA ABOUT THIS]
no subject
Then he crumples against the wall.] I can't be your boyfriend.
no subject
[it was sure a convoluted way of putting it]
...it...
...It is not fair to you, after all. ...not....
[....somehow he didn't see it hurting, though.] ...it is not fair at all to you, and I, the man Gongenzaka, cannot even ask you to wait until I know what would be 'more' than what I am already doing as a 'friend'.
[As what he once thought was friend. As what Yuuya thought was 'friend'.]
no subject
Let's just... stay friends. [He purses his lips.] Just friends. Whatever you have to do to make that comfortable, I'll support that.
[How is he not supposed to wait if there's a chance that Gongenzaka is going to change his feelings? He wants him... he wishes he could want him less. But he'll just hurt Gongenzaka this way, he's certain.]
no subject
[....] And...
...you? [Immediately he stiffens, realizing the pressure of those words.] I...
...if you will still be happy...
no subject
[But that's all it was. Friendship. Yuya was so careful to distance his feelings, to not let them color the way he treated Gon because he never wanted to scare him away. Never wanted to get rejected.
He's not sure how to feel about the fact that it might be something more strictly romantic to Gongenzaka.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)