hippocarnival | Lost Carnival

[It is somewhat late into the night, when Gongenzaka comes by. He had many things to settle- to discuss, to check upon, and so on. So many things that he almost simply turned in for bed.

Almost.

Something tells him he shouldn't put this off...this talk that Joker told him he needs to make sure to have. So he walks there, and then sighs.

...Well. ...Here he goes.]

Yuuya? Are you in there?

[Yuya looks up from his place half-draped off the bed, staring at the door curiously.] Gongenzaka?

[He rolls himself over, hitting the floor with a soft sound before opening the door. He's surprised to see him at this hour, but it's not unwelcome.] What's up?

Auhh...

[Somehow, it feels even more awkward, now that Yuuya has answered.

Crap.] Mmmn...there is...something that I, the man Gongenzaka, feel we should perhaps discuss, regarding earlier- auh!

That is, if you yourself are willing, naturally..! [Normally he wouldn't be this lenient about it but...well.

What happened earlier was rough. He'd understand if they ALL needed some recovery time first.]

Discuss? [Yuya pinches his brow, confused. But after a second he steps back to open the door wider.] We can talk. Did you, uh, want to come in?

[Squeeze in, more like. He wonders what there is to talk about, though. Is it Steven?]

Aauh. Thank you, Yuuya.

[And...Squeeze he shall. Oof! He'd almost forgotten what this was like, thanks to the time during Wismuth...

As it is, he makes it in somehow, sighing.] ...I, the man Gongenzaka...

...Mnh. [How does he start.] ...When we were discussing who should leave through the hole... ...When you insisted upon going last...

...Did you feel, perhaps, that my insisting upon otherwise was an attempt for protection..? [He trusts his friend. He trusts him more than anything. But then...

...That's exactly why he's asking, he supposes.]

[Yuya closes the door, pausing before moving back across to the beds and sitting on the lower bunk. His trailer is notably clearer this time, a little emptier since Tamaki's possessions have all cleared out.

He shrugs.] I--maybe. I'm not mad at you about it. I just wanted you to go first, so... there was less people who had to leave if I could have saved Steven.

[He wanted to go last so he could reach out to him. He wishes he could have just grabbed him and ran, but Yuya knows where his physical limits lie.

He'd still failed, he knows. He's not holding it against himself, but the reality of what's happened to Steven still settles sadly in him.]

Yuuya...

[He sighs, and more properly sits, looking around a bit until Yuuya himself has sat down.] The first thing that I, the man Gongenzaka, should make clear is this...

...This is not about what occurred with the Rose Queen- while what it is about is something which happened then as well, it is something which I, the man Gongenzaka, should have spoken to you about before hand.

We made our agreement, to allow you to stand as protector more, rather than I myself rushing forward...correct?

[Yuya looks up with a nod, putting a hand to his chest.] I remember. It's hard to forget, now that you've signed another contract.

[Absently, his fingers curl around his pendulum as he looks a little insistent.] My shield worked, I'm getting stronger! You can trust me to keep my promise.

Yuuya...

[He closes his eyes.] I, the man Gongenzaka, do not doubt that you shall...however...

[His voice unfortunately starts to crack here, as he bows his head. It was somehow easy enough to confess the matter to Joker. But trying to bring it to words now just brings up the core of the issue that it carries. Doubt.

Doubt. For his friend. For-] I, the man Gongenzaka...Must apologize, for I fear that you have been doubting my own dedication to allow it..! Such doubt in the one whom I, the man Gongenzaka, consider my greatest friend...

Though unforgivable, I cannot put aside the matter any longer..!

[He. May be at least part way through a bow, by the time he says that.]

[Yuya stares, expression falling into bewilderment as Gongenzaka apologizes. Dramatically. He's silent at first, watching him.

And then, while Gongenzaka's head is still bowed, a grin cracks upon his face as laughter bubbles up in his throat. And then he can't contain it, giggling openly as he puts his hand on Gongenzaka's shoulder to steady them both.]

I didn't expect you to stop protecting me at all, Gongenzaka. [He was secure in himself despite all of this because he knows Gongenzaka would come for him through anything. Being strong enough on his own wasn't just, even mostly, for his sake.] I'm not doubting you.

[He does not raise himself from his awkward bow, though his voice is not...Quite as strong and loud as it would be.] ...Yuuya...

...had I grabbed you immediately with my vines...

...Had I insisted further, for you to go through the exit, that I, the man Gongenzaka, would not delay anyone's escape due to the struggle with the hole...

[He cannot finish the statement, for after all-mere moments earlier, Yuuya himself had said that perhaps he had assumed Gongenzaka was trying to stay behind to protect him.

Something that in Gongenzaka's eyes... ...would, in fact, have been doubting his ability to take Yuuya seriously.]

I, the man Gongenzaka, do not ask if you doubt my ability.

I, the man Gongenzaka...ask if you doubt my ability to let you protect instead.

[It's going to be like that, is it? Yuya tilts sideways, then, forcing himself back into Gongenzaka's field of vision.] And I just said no. You let me try in the end, didn't you? If you really didn't believe in me, you could have just picked me up and left.

[Like, literally, there's never been a contest of physical strength here.] But you didn't, and... I'm glad. I know I have a long way to go. [He's getting there. He'll match that strength at some point.] But I'm really glad you believe in me right now.

[.... Ah-!

Well, that's one way to get him to bolt back upright. Good on Yuuya for ducking under like that, though. Despite Yuuya's words, Gongenzaka's ears merely fold back. After all, with the vines...]

...When the Queen attacked... ...I, the man Gongenzaka, wished only to snatch you without question. ...Yuuya...

...If I had done so, it would not have been because I, the man Gongenzaka, lacked faith in you, but... ...I...

...I, the man Gongenzaka, ask of you- for as unforgivable as it is that I must ask at all... I must know that if such a situation arises, I, the man Gongenzaka, will not have to wait for you to grab my hand or similar-that I can simply take hold, that we can both escape harm..!

[He really really has been letting this one fester, hasn't he.]

[Yuya's momentarily content to have forced looking each other in the face again. But then Gongenzaka continues, and... Yuya still, his hand slipping a little as his expression shifts.

He purses his lips, already feeling a knot in his stomach at what he's about to ask.] If... if I told you not to, would you?

[It depends, really, and but he wonders if Gongenzaka could agree to leave him behind in any circumstance.]

[That....is a question that freezes him. And for a moment it looks very much like he would like to weep as he had earlier, the emotion still caught in his chest.

But he nods.] .................after all, Yuuya, [He manages with a cracking voice,] ...I, the man Gongenzaka...

...did as much...just earlier, did I not? It is...

[He takes a breath in.] ...It is what we prepared for...

[It is what they're preparing for. For Yuya to be able to take the same burden. For Gongenzaka to have to carry a different burden, because Yuya knows the agony of being the one left behind.

Yuya blinks rapidly, his vision swimming briefly as his eyes are wet with tears that won't yet fall. He exhales, heavy, his hands falling limply into his lap.] You did. Gongenzaka...

[His words get stuck in his throat, almost catching his breath as he looks up at him.]

Edited 2018-05-20 04:49 (UTC)

Yuuya...

[He cannot keep from weeping. It is the second time in but a short period, when it has been so long since he has at all. But the fact is, these were not stakes that existed, before. They were not stakes that existed at all before, or at least not while they were in their proper mind.

Even the manor had with it, a layer of magic to coat their thoughts.] I, the man Gongenzaka...will do everything in my power, to do as you request...

But I beg of you...

[...If at least for that one particular sort of scenario...]

If it comes to us both leaving...

[Yuya knows it's really cruel to ask of him. He knows this, and there's no way to make it right or fair so long as they're stuck in this cycle of pain. Instead of getting out, it's a constant transference. Yuya can't bear all of only one side, and yet it's the same side that hurts both of them most.]

Gongenzaka. [Yuya leans forward, his hand reaching up again--but it stops, and hands tensely in the air near Gongenzaka's face. Yuya swallows, his voice heavy.]

If... I don't tell you not to... [What if he has to tell him not to?] Save me. Like you always do.

[For now, that's enough. He can take silence- silence is immediate, silence means it could be there's no time to discuss it. IT is a brutal, and sneaky way of looking at it that his heart detests but-

He pulls the other close, and he does not let go.]

....I, the man Gongenzaka, swear to you, I shall.

[Yuya's drawn forward easily, and there's only a second of hesitation before Yuya throws his arms around Gonenzaka and holds on tight.

He hates this. He hates how far they've been pushed, he hates that he has to ask this.]

I'm sorry. [He can't hold his tears back anymore, either.] 'M so sorry. I'm not...

[Strong enough. Not physically, not emotionally.]

It is alright, Yuuya. [It is not alright. They're two teenagers crying in a cramped trailer and an even more tight embrace, with no idea of what comes next. It is not alright, but when Yuuya is saying 'not' about himself, it is all Gongenzaka can bring himself to say.]

....We will be...alright. I, the man Gongenzaka, swear it- whether by your actions, or mine, whatever we do...

[And yet his words falter, and stop, until he is simply repeating himself in a different way.]

....We can do this. ....You can do this, [He adds, breath shuddering.] ...Your heart is just as strong as mine, if not stronger, after all.

[Yuya stutters on a sob, his hands gripping tighter. It's hard for him to stomach that strength right now, when it feels like he's dragging Gonenzaka down. He sinks down a little, like a weight, feeling heavy.]

We--we have to because... I can't go home without you. [His voice is quiet. At least, this time, he isn't chasing his friend blindly, not knowing where they are. Gongenzaka's right here.

It's still a hole that couldn't be filled, if he was gone.]

Aauh.

I, the man Gongenzaka, shall not be returning without you either- not without all of us, he swears, face rubbing against the other.]

...No doubt, you shall make certain of that, aah? [He says it with an edge of optimism. An attempt to ease the pain, and mood. And...]

...Yuuya. Whatever the case, [He says softly,] Know that you are truly, my greatest friend.

...And I shall not doubt you any longer.

Not without all of us. [Yuya mumbles against him. That's certainly easy for Gongenzaka, who has the longest contract now.

He falls quiet at that, the crying starting to abate a little as he listens to Gongenzaka's words and wraps up in his comfort.]

I know. [Absently, his fingers curl around Gongenzaka's sash. He knows, but it still makes hims happy to hear it. And a little guilty.] So are you. Gongenzaka, I... thanks. For everything.

[Yuya... doesn't quite pull back, because Gongenzaka's grip is tight, but he leans back enough to try and look at Gongenzaka. Hopefully that nuzzling puts his face in view.] I really appreciate it, more than I can say! You knows it's not... it's not because everything you've done doesn't matter to me. It's because it does that I want to do the same for you.

[He says it earnestly, as if he can impress all of his feelings into those words. Yuya wants him to know, it isn't doubt either. He hasn't lost his trust.]

Edited (cause I decided I wanted this all in one tag) 2018-05-20 16:40 (UTC)

Hm-k-! [There is something of a snort, caught in a hiccup and a cough all the same.] Yuuya. ....More than anything, that has never been my fear. Believe me..!

....if there is anything I, the man Gongenzaka, have never doubted...it is that it mattered. If it had not after all...

....You would not have insisted so strongly upon the agreement we have now, aah?

[He does not quite break the hug, but he does at least move to beam down.] But yes...naturally, we must make certain the others come! Not only Yuugo, and Yuzu...but after all, now we have both Akabas here, to worry for! [Those Darn Akabas! ...But also...]

...We will get him back, Yuuya. ....we shall get everyone back, no matter what.

EVENING 59 | After Reira

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