hippocarnival | Lost Carnival

[It is what they're preparing for. For Yuya to be able to take the same burden. For Gongenzaka to have to carry a different burden, because Yuya knows the agony of being the one left behind.

Yuya blinks rapidly, his vision swimming briefly as his eyes are wet with tears that won't yet fall. He exhales, heavy, his hands falling limply into his lap.] You did. Gongenzaka...

[His words get stuck in his throat, almost catching his breath as he looks up at him.]

Edited 2018-05-20 04:49 (UTC)

Yuuya...

[He cannot keep from weeping. It is the second time in but a short period, when it has been so long since he has at all. But the fact is, these were not stakes that existed, before. They were not stakes that existed at all before, or at least not while they were in their proper mind.

Even the manor had with it, a layer of magic to coat their thoughts.] I, the man Gongenzaka...will do everything in my power, to do as you request...

But I beg of you...

[...If at least for that one particular sort of scenario...]

If it comes to us both leaving...

[Yuya knows it's really cruel to ask of him. He knows this, and there's no way to make it right or fair so long as they're stuck in this cycle of pain. Instead of getting out, it's a constant transference. Yuya can't bear all of only one side, and yet it's the same side that hurts both of them most.]

Gongenzaka. [Yuya leans forward, his hand reaching up again--but it stops, and hands tensely in the air near Gongenzaka's face. Yuya swallows, his voice heavy.]

If... I don't tell you not to... [What if he has to tell him not to?] Save me. Like you always do.

[For now, that's enough. He can take silence- silence is immediate, silence means it could be there's no time to discuss it. IT is a brutal, and sneaky way of looking at it that his heart detests but-

He pulls the other close, and he does not let go.]

....I, the man Gongenzaka, swear to you, I shall.

[Yuya's drawn forward easily, and there's only a second of hesitation before Yuya throws his arms around Gonenzaka and holds on tight.

He hates this. He hates how far they've been pushed, he hates that he has to ask this.]

I'm sorry. [He can't hold his tears back anymore, either.] 'M so sorry. I'm not...

[Strong enough. Not physically, not emotionally.]

It is alright, Yuuya. [It is not alright. They're two teenagers crying in a cramped trailer and an even more tight embrace, with no idea of what comes next. It is not alright, but when Yuuya is saying 'not' about himself, it is all Gongenzaka can bring himself to say.]

....We will be...alright. I, the man Gongenzaka, swear it- whether by your actions, or mine, whatever we do...

[And yet his words falter, and stop, until he is simply repeating himself in a different way.]

....We can do this. ....You can do this, [He adds, breath shuddering.] ...Your heart is just as strong as mine, if not stronger, after all.

[Yuya stutters on a sob, his hands gripping tighter. It's hard for him to stomach that strength right now, when it feels like he's dragging Gonenzaka down. He sinks down a little, like a weight, feeling heavy.]

We--we have to because... I can't go home without you. [His voice is quiet. At least, this time, he isn't chasing his friend blindly, not knowing where they are. Gongenzaka's right here.

It's still a hole that couldn't be filled, if he was gone.]

Aauh.

I, the man Gongenzaka, shall not be returning without you either- not without all of us, he swears, face rubbing against the other.]

...No doubt, you shall make certain of that, aah? [He says it with an edge of optimism. An attempt to ease the pain, and mood. And...]

...Yuuya. Whatever the case, [He says softly,] Know that you are truly, my greatest friend.

...And I shall not doubt you any longer.

Not without all of us. [Yuya mumbles against him. That's certainly easy for Gongenzaka, who has the longest contract now.

He falls quiet at that, the crying starting to abate a little as he listens to Gongenzaka's words and wraps up in his comfort.]

I know. [Absently, his fingers curl around Gongenzaka's sash. He knows, but it still makes hims happy to hear it. And a little guilty.] So are you. Gongenzaka, I... thanks. For everything.

[Yuya... doesn't quite pull back, because Gongenzaka's grip is tight, but he leans back enough to try and look at Gongenzaka. Hopefully that nuzzling puts his face in view.] I really appreciate it, more than I can say! You knows it's not... it's not because everything you've done doesn't matter to me. It's because it does that I want to do the same for you.

[He says it earnestly, as if he can impress all of his feelings into those words. Yuya wants him to know, it isn't doubt either. He hasn't lost his trust.]

Edited (cause I decided I wanted this all in one tag) 2018-05-20 16:40 (UTC)

Hm-k-! [There is something of a snort, caught in a hiccup and a cough all the same.] Yuuya. ....More than anything, that has never been my fear. Believe me..!

....if there is anything I, the man Gongenzaka, have never doubted...it is that it mattered. If it had not after all...

....You would not have insisted so strongly upon the agreement we have now, aah?

[He does not quite break the hug, but he does at least move to beam down.] But yes...naturally, we must make certain the others come! Not only Yuugo, and Yuzu...but after all, now we have both Akabas here, to worry for! [Those Darn Akabas! ...But also...]

...We will get him back, Yuuya. ....we shall get everyone back, no matter what.

[That's too many people to worry about, it's a little overwhelming... but he doesn't preoccupy himself with it, not right now. He knows in the moment they're safe.

Yuya smiles back, soft and warm, nodding.] Mmhmm.

[Yuya's glad that he understands. He's glad he has his friend here, who's so faithful that Yuya's distress is easily overtaken by it.

He reaches to wipe his own face dry.] Um... do you want to just stay over? Tamaki's gone, so...

[So Yuya's trailer is pretty otherwise empty, although he doesn't think about the other issue of Gongenzaka's size.]

[It is a far more pleasant silence that settles over them, after their agreements. He still has his arms around the other, but no longer quite so tightly, or firmly. It is such that the hug properly seems 'over' when Yuuya asks the question.]

Mm? Tamaki is? [He asks, only to frown.] Hmnnn...typically, I, the man Gongenzaka, would be thrilled but....

[He looks around. It. It's fucking cramped, man-] ....perhaps instead, the reverse would be wise? While I, the an Gongenzaka, have another in the tent, they tend to keep to themselves..nd with Mari gone, it is just as quiet, I should think!

[Yuya follows Gongenzaka's gaze around, eyes widening slightly with realization. His expression twists wryly.] You really are too big now.

[Well, has been too big for a while but it is pretty notable to look at the way Gongenzaka's actually filling up the space.] Yeah, we can go to the tent. I kind of like your pillow bed, anyway.

[Not that he's feeling tired, although he's much less wired than before. It's just a light joke to keep the mood bright.

He doesn't try to force Gongenzaka out of the way to move first, instead waiting patiently for him to move back on his own.]

A..Aaauh, unfortunately...! It would seem I, the man Gongenzaka, can only be too large or too small, now! [He laughs, standing up with a ducked head. He doesn't take long to squeeze out the trailer door, waiting for Yuuya from there.]

Saaah, take what you will need, in that case..!

[Yuya laughs, standing once he has the space and looking around. He grabs his phone, and deck, slipping them into his pockets before following Gongenzaka out the door and shutting it behind them. He won't try and keep Gongenzaka up, necessarily, but...

He looks sideways at Gon as they walk.] Have you ever had a sleepover before?

[They never did, but they also never met until Yuya was eleven. He never thought much about it, and it never felt like something missing. He's just a little curious.]

....

[Ah. Well.] ...Technically speaking, having a tent shared with another, is a sleepover, is it not?

[ N O !! ]

No! [Yuya grins, speeding ahead slightly and twisting on his feet to face Gongenzaka.] It's only a sleepover if you don't stay there. I mean staying up and playing games and eating junk food.

[He pauses.] We don't have to do that. I know we do a lot together already.

....it is a party then? [Part of him wants to ask, Is this the time for a party!?

But then, perhaps a small 'party' is what they need. So he nods in partial understanding, looking very much like he doesn't understand at all.] A-auh...

...Well, to remain awake too long, and simply eat snacks, may be unwise, but...

....I, the man Gongenzaka...do have a console...

[IF THE GAMES ARE A MUST...]

It can be. I only ever had sleepovers with Yuzu. [Yuya was not popular enough with the other kids to get invited to big sleepovers. But maybe that's an idea, once everyone's safe again...

Of course, then Gon has to go and be all responsible about it. Yuya snorts.] I guess it's not a good time... it's supposed to be fun, not responsible.

[Ergo, who cares if it's unwise to stay up all night eating junk food. That's the opposite of the point.]

[In the way that he Typically does when continuing that path of responsibility, he huffs- practically pouting, if the expression could be called that.] I, the man Gongenzaka, am certain we can enjoy ourselves AND remain responsible...

[Gongenzaka's pout doesn't effect Yuya, who stops right in front of him and puts his hands on his hips, puffing his chest up.] Yeah, but maybe just once you could loosen up. I wonder what Gongenzaka would look like, not holding back...

[Yuya honestly can't envision it, he's so used to Gongenzaka being the picture of restraint. Doesn't mean he isn't going to tease him, though.]

Th- That-

It would be a horrible sight..!! An irresponsible matter-!!

Responsibility does not mean no fun-!! [ Stop him-]

You looked like you were having fun being irresponsible in the Summerlands. [That wasn't exactly irresponsible, but the point remains.

Gongenzaka might be flustering further, but Yuya's only grinning wider. The conversation is distracting, and it's easy to get swept away in it and forget for a moment the bleakness of the situation surrounding them. They can't do anything now, anyway, and Yuya will probably be back to worrying about it through the night.

But right now, there's an ease in his heart as if he's back home, before the war or the carnival or the truth or anything. It's a peace he wants to dearly to return to, and when he finds it here...]

Come on, what would you do if you didn't have to be 'responsible'. Anything at all!

Th- it would be the same things, naturally!! Training, and reading, and-

[He was about to add that he does, in fact, take time to play his game console or read, but 'in the summerlands' catches his ear, and naturally he thinks of what he did Alone rather than anything else- going glowing red in embarrassment.] Y- You...

What do you mean, 'in the Summerlands'...

[Yuya wiggles his fingers, which is probably a more obvious clue even without his explanation.] When we visited the garden, remember? eh, but you were kind of scared at first weren't you?

[It wasn't very daring, was it. Yuya had to pull him along for even that much. If only he knew about the flower rolling...]

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u ran down hill and rolled around like a pupper gon just admit it

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