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[hippocarnival]

YUYA SAKAKI UN: FUNDIRECTION

STATUS: Student Grade 9

ACCOLADES: (Here is a list of leading roles Yuya's has in school theater performances over the past two years, plus a glowing review of his familiar Odd-Eyes)

BIO: Hello! You can call me Yuya. I'm from Sendai, Japan. This is my second year in Daybreak Academy. I'm a Tamer, and Odd-Eyes is my familiar. He's the big red dragon that hangs out in the courtyards. He's friendly but he tries to steal food sometimes. I speak Japanese and English but not very good French. I'm also in the theater club. I'm in Lumiere 203. Let's be friends!

© TESSISAMESS

Comments

[hippocarnival]

Eh--[Yuya stares dumbly at... himself. And then reaches to touch Kano's face and hair, because holy shit is this a trip. It's not like a mirror at all.] Wait a minute, what do you mean 'until I love myself'?

[suddenlybees]

[ I just remembered that this probably reminds Yuya more of that reflection in his Kagerou hell that dragged him into the pool than anything else, but. Kano doesn't know this. ] Hey, hey, let go, let go...! It means what it means! Until you love yourself!!! [ Kano doesn't know what loving oneself means either, okay? But Yuya's smart, he can figure it out. ]

[hippocarnival]

How is wearing my face going to make me love myself?! [He pulls on Kano's cheeks before drawing his hands back. It even feels like him, this is so weird.]

[suddenlybees]

Figure it out??? [ That's really helpful, yeah. As soon as he's let go, Kano sits back down, grinning up at Yuya. ] You like me no matter what I look like, right? Sooooo... this is the same thing!!! [ It really isn't. ]

[hippocarnival]

This is weird... [He tilts this way and that.] Sure, I'll accept you, but I like your face more. Why can't I just say nice things about you?

[Why did giving Kano what he asked for turn around to being about Yuya??]

[suddenlybees]

[ Because that's how it'll always end up, if Kano gets his way; it'll always turn back on the other person. ] It's too bad, 'cause I like your face more than mine~ You're not allowed to say nice things about me until you love yourself! That'll be my IOU!! [ It'll be an instance like this that he uses it, I guess, something that'll otherwise be impossible. But Yuya said it himself: anything Kano wants, no backing out. ]

[hippocarnival]

[I can't believe Kano is going to immediately spend his IOU on trying to boost Yuya's confidence.

Yuya huffs.] I don't know how we're supposed to judge that!

[suddenlybees]

[ This is important, and a much better use of an IOU than like... making somebody go out and get him french fries when he's too lazy to leave his room someday. ] I'll judge that~ Until I'm satisfied with how much you love yourself, so do your best, Yu~ya~ I wonder how long it'll take you? Aah, I'll be let out of the dorm over the week to go to class, I bet that'll be fun~ [ It's turning into a threat. ]

[hippocarnival]

Whoa, whoa, you're not leaving this room like that! [Not with his face! Not when he knows how Yuya feels about Gon!!]

[suddenlybees]

[ He has that voice recording and everything, not that Yuya knows. Kano wouldn't even have to change his voice to spout out all of that, it'd be a real mess if he were to accidentally play his recording nearby Gon's open window someday... That'll be the plan if Yuya doesn't shape up and love himself already. ] It'll be fine, it'll be fine~ I've got countermeasures in place for that! Nobody will see two of us!

[hippocarnival]

That's not the problem! [Actually, that'd be easier because then Yuya could make it clear to them that Shit Is Up.] How about you give me a reason to love myself before you terrorize everyone with my face!

[And like, make him run away to hide in the woods instead.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Yuya wouldn't dare run away and hide in the woods; what if Kano tries to talk with Gon? He absolutely would and Yuya knows this. ] Heh~ That's something you need to figure out for yourself, Yu~ya! All those things you love about other people- and there's a lot of things!! I need you to look at yourself and find those sorts of things too~ [ He pats Yuya on the shoulder, enjoying the stark contrast in their expressions just as much as I am. ] Why don't you start by asking other people what they love about you? I don't count, 'cause I'm easy mode!

[hippocarnival]

[Consider: He doesn't have to confront the consequences of Kano telling Gon if nobody can find him.]

You can't just go around asking people what they like about you! And why are you easy mode?! What about loving yourself?!

[suddenlybees]

[ lmfao is that really better though ] You can totally ask people what they like about yourself?? I asked you, didn't I? [ He ignores those other questions. He's easy mode because he doesn't want to talk about how much he loves Yuya, and lmao what is loving himself. We're talking about Yuya right now, not him, don't turn this back on him. ]

[hippocarnival]

[Yuya never returns, Kano will have to pretend to be Yuya and date Gon in his place.]

Once is excusable. It's definitely too self-centered to go around asking everyone about it!

[And he notices Kano ignore everything else, expression twisting with brief frustration before he just--lunges forward to tackle Kano to the ground.]

[suddenlybees]

Ack—-! [ The illusion flickers before settling back into Yuya's form again, Kano caught off guard and quickly pulling himself back together and casting that numbing magic over himself too for good measure, in case Yuya's about to sock him in the face or something. Look at this pouty face... How could anybody hit it? ] This is the opposite of loving yourself, you know???? If you really don't want to ask, I can do it! I'll ask for you!

[hippocarnival]

[Lucky for Kano, Yuya is not about to sock him. He doesn't actually fight him at all past pushing him over, matching Kano's face pout for pout.]

I won't hear it. [He huffs... and then he snorts, snickering to himself as he falls over sideways to lay on the ground next to Kano.]

We're really the same that way, aren't we? No matter how good it feels to hear, it's so hard to believe.

[That they can be good, are good, are someone clearly worth loving.]

[suddenlybees]

You'll hear it if you ask! [ That's the point of it, but Kano just laughs too, turning his eyes away from Yuya and staring up at the mess of glowing stars on the ceiling instead. ] I don't get it, Yuya. We're the same in that way, but we the same in lots of other ways too. How can you love so many people so much, but not yourself?

[hippocarnival]

Couldn't I ask you the same thing? [Yuya stares up at the ceiling as well.]

... I met Gongenzaka when I was nine. Before then, I didn't really have any friends. And then I hurt him so badly, and since then it's just--I'm always failing. Because I love them, I want to give them my best, but what good is that? When they say they're my friend, I don't really know why. Other people are nicer than me, and smarter, and better at what they do. So why choose me?

[Why not someone who's less of a failure? He's too selfish to let go, but he doesn't understand it.]

[suddenlybees]

[ He could ask, but Kano would just say it isn't the same. He doesn't love lots of people, after all, and his capacity for love isn't that vast, either. He clings to very specific people and it's a suffocating sort of relationship he has with them, more parasitic than symbiotic. ] Isn't it 'cause it's not a zero sum game? People can be friends with all those nicer and smarter and better people, but also people like you and me. [ He reaches blindly to his side, and probably pokes Yuya on the stomach or something before he finds his hand. ] You love people, and you want to give 'em your best, and you keep trying even if you end up failing. Isn't that all good stuff? That's the sort of stuff I want to see in a friend, not somebody perfect.

[hippocarnival]

[There's a pause before Yuya tilts his hand to loosely hold Kano's in return. He sniffs, tears welling in his eyes but his smile widens regardless.]

I don't feel like I have to be perfect with you. [He sighs softly.] I don't... know. Because I know that Nana and Gongenzaka care too. I believe them. But I don't know how to believe myself.

[suddenlybees]

[ A crybaby... But he gets it, too, the relief of not having to be perfect, of not having to live every moment in fear of retribution when he doesn't do something exactly right. Living like that was exhausting; lying on hardwood floor holding Yuya's hand is the opposite of that. ] Hm... Okay! How about this? We can start off small, baby steps! [ He squeezes Yuya's hand. ] Tell me just one thing. It doesn't have to be something you love about yourself- or like, even! Something you don't hate, something you're okay with, I'll take those too.

[hippocarnival]

[It's hard. Harder than Yuya realizes until he's put on the spotlight. But he doesn't want to fail this either...]

I don't want to hurt people. I don't try to. [Doesn't mean he never does, but at least it's not intentional?]

[suddenlybees]

[ Oh, same. Except Yuya actually succeeds at not hurting people, when Kano just sort of inadvertently causes disaster just by existing in the same room as somebody else. The fact that Kano doesn't want to hurt people- tries so hard to do the opposite- that's supposed to be a good thing he should like about himself, but he can always find a way to twist that around. Before he can get caught up on that train of thought, he shakes it out of his head. ] It's the same for me! Now, it's your turn again! [ They're going to go back and forth like this. These are the baby steps. ]

[hippocarnival]

[Yuya blinks, looking sideways at Kano before looking back at the ceiling.]

I think I'm good actor--uh, on stage. [Although he's never really tried applying putting himself in a roll in his daily life. Maybe he's too used to playing Yuya the Failure.]