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YUYA SAKAKI UN: FUNDIRECTION

STATUS: Student Grade 9

ACCOLADES: (Here is a list of leading roles Yuya's has in school theater performances over the past two years, plus a glowing review of his familiar Odd-Eyes)

BIO: Hello! You can call me Yuya. I'm from Sendai, Japan. This is my second year in Daybreak Academy. I'm a Tamer, and Odd-Eyes is my familiar. He's the big red dragon that hangs out in the courtyards. He's friendly but he tries to steal food sometimes. I speak Japanese and English but not very good French. I'm also in the theater club. I'm in Lumiere 203. Let's be friends!

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Ack—-!

[ The illusion flickers before settling back into Yuya's form again, Kano caught off guard and quickly pulling himself back together and casting that numbing magic over himself too for good measure, in case Yuya's about to sock him in the face or something.

Look at this pouty face... How could anybody hit it? ]

This is the opposite of loving yourself, you know???? If you really don't want to ask, I can do it! I'll ask for you!

[Lucky for Kano, Yuya is not about to sock him. He doesn't actually fight him at all past pushing him over, matching Kano's face pout for pout.]

I won't hear it. [He huffs... and then he snorts, snickering to himself as he falls over sideways to lay on the ground next to Kano.]

We're really the same that way, aren't we? No matter how good it feels to hear, it's so hard to believe.

[That they can be good, are good, are someone clearly worth loving.]

You'll hear it if you ask!

[ That's the point of it, but Kano just laughs too, turning his eyes away from Yuya and staring up at the mess of glowing stars on the ceiling instead. ]

I don't get it, Yuya. We're the same in that way, but we the same in lots of other ways too. How can you love so many people so much, but not yourself?

Couldn't I ask you the same thing? [Yuya stares up at the ceiling as well.]

... I met Gongenzaka when I was nine. Before then, I didn't really have any friends. And then I hurt him so badly, and since then it's just--I'm always failing. Because I love them, I want to give them my best, but what good is that? When they say they're my friend, I don't really know why. Other people are nicer than me, and smarter, and better at what they do. So why choose me?

[Why not someone who's less of a failure? He's too selfish to let go, but he doesn't understand it.]

[ He could ask, but Kano would just say it isn't the same. He doesn't love lots of people, after all, and his capacity for love isn't that vast, either. He clings to very specific people and it's a suffocating sort of relationship he has with them, more parasitic than symbiotic. ]

Isn't it 'cause it's not a zero sum game? People can be friends with all those nicer and smarter and better people, but also people like you and me.

[ He reaches blindly to his side, and probably pokes Yuya on the stomach or something before he finds his hand. ]

You love people, and you want to give 'em your best, and you keep trying even if you end up failing. Isn't that all good stuff? That's the sort of stuff I want to see in a friend, not somebody perfect.

[There's a pause before Yuya tilts his hand to loosely hold Kano's in return. He sniffs, tears welling in his eyes but his smile widens regardless.]

I don't feel like I have to be perfect with you. [He sighs softly.] I don't... know. Because I know that Nana and Gongenzaka care too. I believe them. But I don't know how to believe myself.

[ A crybaby... But he gets it, too, the relief of not having to be perfect, of not having to live every moment in fear of retribution when he doesn't do something exactly right. Living like that was exhausting; lying on hardwood floor holding Yuya's hand is the opposite of that. ]

Hm... Okay! How about this? We can start off small, baby steps!

[ He squeezes Yuya's hand. ]

Tell me just one thing. It doesn't have to be something you love about yourself- or like, even! Something you don't hate, something you're okay with, I'll take those too.

[It's hard. Harder than Yuya realizes until he's put on the spotlight. But he doesn't want to fail this either...]

I don't want to hurt people. I don't try to. [Doesn't mean he never does, but at least it's not intentional?]

[ Oh, same. Except Yuya actually succeeds at not hurting people, when Kano just sort of inadvertently causes disaster just by existing in the same room as somebody else. The fact that Kano doesn't want to hurt people- tries so hard to do the opposite- that's supposed to be a good thing he should like about himself, but he can always find a way to twist that around. Before he can get caught up on that train of thought, he shakes it out of his head. ]

It's the same for me! Now, it's your turn again!

[ They're going to go back and forth like this. These are the baby steps. ]

[Yuya blinks, looking sideways at Kano before looking back at the ceiling.]

I think I'm good actor--uh, on stage. [Although he's never really tried applying putting himself in a roll in his daily life. Maybe he's too used to playing Yuya the Failure.]

Mm, yeah, same here!

[ Except Kano's a great actor on and off the stage- made to act all throughout his life so that he brings the stage with him. How do you love somebody who does not exist? It's impossible. ]

Your turn~

[Yuya furrows his brow. Hearing Kano saying it in his voice... is he affirming Yuya? Or himself?

What else, what else...] I'm in good shape?

[ It's a mystery. ]

Haha, I sure am, aren't I?

[ Yeah, not even Kano can say that about himself, health being something he neglects because he functions just fine and so long as he functions, that's fine. ]

What else is there, Yu~ya?

[Yeah, Kano is a wuss and Yuya knows that, so he understands it now. He turns his face away slightly, his smile happier than he thinks he has right to right now. But Kano going this far for him, just to pick him up...

It's nice.]

I'm... If someone's in need, I'll help them.

Yeah, I will. I'm always here to help people out, and I've been able to help lots of people out, haven't I? What's one time you helped somebody out?

[ Yuya has done good things. He's done lots of good things, for lots of people. Failures stand out because you dwell on them, Kano knows this too well, but there are good things. He needs Yuya to say them for himself. ]

I'm helping Nana's campaign? [Yeah, he's been doing a lot of work for that. Because it's Nana, and he wants to support her, see her win and happy because she won.] And I... saved Kano.

[Somehow. He didn't get the details about the first time, but he did also get his neck broken to get him out of the daze and that was also saving him.]

[ He helped out because Nana deserves the world, because Kano deserves... something. Kano's sure the thought process is something like that, and he gives Yuya's hand another squeeze.

We're not going to talk about saving Kano. ]

Hm, that's right~ I did all those things, and so much more!! Sometimes I just forget about it, but that doesn't mean those good things don't exist, right?

Mm--[Yuya squeezes back, and then holds Kano's hand tightly as a tremble runs through him and he starts to weep while his heart is overwhelmed with feelings.

He reaches with his other hands to try and wipe his face, but it's a losing battle.]

[ WHY DOES HE KEEP CRYING

Kano's first instinct when he sees somebody cry is always to make it stop, and it takes a lot to keep himself from saying or doing anything. Yuya should cry. Crying makes you feel better— crying out loud, wholly and unrestricted- it's a good thing.

Kano sits up, and takes Yuya's other hand in his too, keeping them both. ]

Here, it's okay...

[Well now the tears are just going to get gross on his face, but that's fine. When Kano takes his hands he turns to look at him, or at least in his direction when his vision is so blurry but he's smiling. There's a sense of relief in his expression, and he holds on tight.]

Thank you. For this.

Edited 2019-06-10 06:41 (UTC)

...Yeah, you're welcome.

[ He can only do this when he's Yuya, not Kano, so- ]

I love you, Yuya. Can you say the same about me?

[Yuya hiccups and sighs, but instead of answering at first he laces his fingers with Kano's and just looks up at him (at his own face).

He closes his eyes.] I love you, Kano.

[In this moment, he knows it isn't anything else.] I'll... work on loving myself.

[ SCREAMS!!! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!! YUYA!!!!!!!!! you're supposed to love yourself, not Kano......

sighs and turns back to himself ig ]

Yeah. That's all I'll ask for.

[Kano should be glad he got this much!!

Yuya opens his eyes again, and when it's Kano's face he sees he smiles wider, full of warmth and affection.

He'll work on it, for Kano. Because Kano went this far, for something that doesn't really affect him, just to get Yuya to believe in himself. And that feels amazing.]

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